maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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