I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
