mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
