he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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