Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
