Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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