I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
