I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
