Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
