I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Slut skills are useful in every country.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
