Where is the hickey?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
