so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
