its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My vagina is officially offended.
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