True but thats because hes a fetus.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
do herpes really smell.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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