HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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