My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Too much gin, very little bucket
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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