no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
