I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
