I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize