Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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