I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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