dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
