im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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