i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
