a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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