You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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