I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
