u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
