Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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