I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
