You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize