have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
