U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Randomize
