nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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