It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize