NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
