If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
