I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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