I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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