How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
