no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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