i'm lost and i look like a hooker
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think your dad took our porno
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
