apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
