Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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