I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
