he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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