I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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