she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
