Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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