apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
