Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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