I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
