Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
