your parents love me but you hate me
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
