I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize