He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
