I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Success! We fucked roommates!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize