i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
