New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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