Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
