Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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