I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
