I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I want a musical about memes.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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