Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
