Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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